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Wednesday, February 8, 2012

~~这就是漂漂亮亮的我~~


年纪轻轻的我。。这张照片也应该是我的珍藏版 因为19岁的我看起来像小妹妹一样可爱。。哈哈。。真是爱臭美的我 这张照片是在我堂哥结婚那天晚上拍的 猜猜我在哪里拍这张照片? 那就是每个人在宴会场上都会去的地方 应该也不用我说了吧。。 Anyway... today mood is consider okay + happy...

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Year of 2011/2012





there are lots of cases happen during 2011...study, family, relationship, career,frienship,argument and others...
i almost forgot i still have a blog in this blogspot until i break the relationship with u...full of courage and confidentduring the year of 2011...
2011, i remain work in pusat bahasa titian jaya as a part timer, but i end my part time life around october 2011, all of this is because of u... i felt the difficulties while working in this company, do u know why?
1st - your attitude cause lots of ppl talk badly behind u but u just ignore what other ppl think, u don ever realise what should u do to change the situation
2nd - ur career start to become unstable n unsecure since february 2011, but time change nothing on you...but i begin to talkless but u remain ur situation
3rd - we keep argue on the same person, don't u noe how hurt am i, u hv ady hurt me for more than 2 years... since i to be with u, i wait and wait u to care my feeling and secure my feeling, but... the conclusion told me that i seems like a stupid girl waiting for nothing... it's enough for me... i felt sad deeply..i start not to give any excuse for myself to wait for any changes... because i noe no matter how i do, i wont get what i want at the end... there are no reason for me to wait again...
4th - my life getting worst instead of improvement, my requirement is toimprove my life depend on such relationship, but it seems to improve nothing in this 2 years... i think u may be getting worst compare to the years before u to be with me...
i read back the blog i wrote last time, that include much of our problem since we're together, until now we're seperate... try to ask myself, is the problem remain? my answer is YES. i shouldn't help u much, it cause u become dependent, no confident, no self dicipline, low time management..
no matter how well u treat me, the entire well is just remain for grace period but not future, i'm very emphasize in our future, but the whole action you did was dissappointed for me (drunk,gamble,lack of energy to work,fully utilise the time for entertainment than working) try to imagine, is this ur life? if this is ur life, im so sorry to said that, i'm not the suitable person to enjoy this kind of life... this pattern of life is meaningless for me...i start to expect nothing from u since 2011 after u left CES and start ur property agent...i understand time shoouldnt be too systematic sometime, but it is neccessary for most of the time but not all the time... but keep the time move randomly is just wasting the time... conclusion is... u are the one..
sometimes my feeling is... ur fully utilising what i hv and i could... i said i can help u doesnt mean i must help u, that's different thing,pls remember, im not ur mate, u din paid me any single sens,somemore i din demand anything on you...therefore,, i only can said that, everything is enough for me... how long i endure = how long i should take my rest... i've ady try my best... don blame and no recover could be discuss anymore
The year of 2012,January 19 is the last day to be with u...the minute i decide to break with u, i felt nothing, tears finished, sadness gameover, what kind of release it is, there is a grace period i felt happy in my inner heart... i also would like to ask what happen to me.. how can i feel nothing in this situation... the most curious feeling i've were so unbelieveable... but i'm concious to tell myself... i get back my freedom to be myself again... i'm happy to be like this honestly...hahaha
i begin to feel myself as a cold blooded, but anyway, i remain my happiness... this is the most important for me and my family... if u want to say i'm the most selfish person in the world, i don mind and totally don care... because i don think there are something could influence my feeling and decision... i choose the best for myself is to protect myself, thus, nothing wrong could u talk against me...
Even though i said there is a chance for u.. but pls remember, the chance is open for everyone but not only u.. u uses to hv the chance, but pls tell me, how appreciate u're?hv u ever appreciated it? if u say yes, that are impossible for me to feel nothing... material couldn't fulfill everything, if u thing so, i could only tell u, that's just a naif thinking in ur mind..
i feel happy since we're not together, i want to remain like this compare to last time be a stupid waiting for nothing...
Regard - CITC 02/08/12,13.34pm

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

why my life get difficult and more difficult...

i really felt alone recently, but i don't know why will i felt like this...
college life started, don't this a good starting? i don't think so..
Our distance become further and further after i start my college life...perhaps both of us are quite busy for job and study... yet, why i felt alone is better for me? Independent ady be my serious routine.. i can't change it.. everything you can do i also can do it... in this case, what the purpose for me to be with you? am i need to hurt myself like that.. not really! i always feel afraid when i be with you... only you din realise what i'm really feel... perhaps you always caring me but i din realise..why all people ask me to left you alone? why they always said i can get 1 more who is much better than what you have? i always feel confuse with this kind of Question... do i need to trust them? althought my family also said this... i know that all the conclusion will decide by myself.. but my decision totally will influence by others judgment...why i always heard something bad from others regarding your problem? don't you do better and better? i've given lots of ways to you for your job, why you still change nothing? i felt helpless.. i don't know what to do... u can make me blur blur.... sometimes i discover something wrong with us... i'm not decide to said that due to protect my study mood and your working mood..i'm not dare to think what will we be in the future, since our opinion are totally different with each other.. i really don't know how to communicate with you part of the time...am i need to be patience and patience? or i just need to talk out everthing keep in my heart? i know that you treat me good.. i'm not the only person you treat good... there is another person around us... that's my feel... sometimes can be ignore, sometimes is reality...it's going to 1 year after 4 month... last year December 2009 i change my life, do i need to change again for this year December 2010? i hope not to change it again.. Let it keep on better and better.. 7 days more will be one year for yours left each other.. is it possible for yours to recover again....i don't know and also not dare to think about it.. everything is yours decision not mine... i'm the person only can follow yours decision yet not decide for yours...Pls don't hurt me eventhough both of you wanna recover... Pls tell me honestly... i'll accept it... Joyce & Janice... you must keep on your life.. don't let other people make noice in your life...you need to keep silent if possible, you are able to do it, just see whether you want to do or not... Althought you have leave me... but i still miss the period be with you... hope you get a better life in other country than M'sia..

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

如果有一天 出现了第三者 到底是谁的错?

再次的受伤?还是我想得太多?
如果只是听见 我还可以当做听不见 但如果是看见的话 我怎么可以当做看不见呢?
心底还是有着一定的恐惧感 我还是很怕 因为这种要坚强的感觉失去太久 也许我可以什么都不理 但是我已经不是当年那个又自私又不爱管闲事的那个JOYCE了 原来要学会什么都不在乎是多么的难 以前可以做到 真好奇我以前到底是不是人 太难理解了 好痛苦哦 有苦难言 正如我所说的 面对我自己 我真的很无言 但面对外人 我却有口难言 现在的我 只是一个样样都安分守己的JANICE 好无奈哦。。。这一篇稿 根本就是跟我本人相差太大了 就像我的性格 根本就不像是会说出这篇搞内容的人

5月的心情好乱。。

开学前的想法。。。
今天是5月12号 离开学的日子就只剩下仅仅的5天 不知不觉又要开学了 真不可思议 前两天亲临学院才得知原来学院范围是多么的大 走起来真的蛮吃力的 以前的我都是觉得学院比中学时的我们更自由 但是 我错了 学院并非我想象中那么自由 规矩多到不懂怎么说也都算了 最麻烦的是 根本没有一个固定的时间让我去安排下一步该怎么去做 就因为考试时间不定 所以我根本没办法去安排一个被邀请的旅程 再加上我还要按排时间工作之余 想想应该也没什么时间可以出去透透气了 今天收到一张关于学音乐的传单 忽然让我蠢蠢欲动 有一股很强烈的感觉让我想快快去参加 吸引我的是时间自由选择 学费并不如外面的昂贵 而且又是在学院附近而已 这件事情我可以自己做决定吗? 如果没有事先跟家人商量的话 又会有什么严重的后果呢? 今天的我只希望所有事情都可以事事顺利 称心如意 大家都开开心心期盼新学期的来临 你们要加油哦。。。。

工作的尾端。。。
在工作这半年里 我真的发觉到 有时候你对别人好并不代表别人会对你好 但我还是依旧自己的原则 无论别人对我好或不好 我也会对他/她好 工作期间 让我真正看清楚的事情是 众人都认为是好人的人事实上并不是那么好 就好比杀了你才跟你道歉一样 半年里 工作真的很累 就快要放下目前的工作 想起可以抛下那块那么重的石头是多么的痛快 工作的这一段时间 我可以了解为什么时间会过得如此的快 因为我拼命的把工作往自己扛 不知不觉中就浪费了半年的青春 虽说我今年才19岁 但是又有谁可以知道 时间是过得多么的快 眨一眼是一月又一月的过 而不是一天一天的过 谁又会知道 再过一阵子 我就二十多了 时间比流水还留得快 坚守岗位的这半年 我领悟到 坚守自己的原则并不代表也要坚守别人的原则 坚守别人的原则就等于毁坏自己原有的原则 只要我没犯错 坚守自己的原则也叫有错吗?在这里 我就告诉你 不要把你自己的原则往别人身上套 你要做坏行情那是你的事 并不是每个人都像你一样 这样的你 不但不会让上级的人对你有所期望 难听说句就是 有风用到尽 最后也只是自讨苦吃 那又何必呢? 你不知道这样的一个做法等于在糟蹋自己吗? 你已经不是什么三岁小孩子了 算大一点就来三斤了 还跟我耍可爱 要脸的你就自己聪明一点 不要忘记 人的脸皮是多么的薄 即使只是穿了个小洞也是很难堪的。。。 的确 你在处理事情方面是很有一手 但 人际方面已经让我有所保留了 那就证明了 可信度欠佳 你自己保重吧!


我们的感情变淡了。。。
最近他都没什么陪我 真的就如之前朋友所说的吗 就是心里不平衡 我知道你工作很忙 我也不都是那么忙吗? 有时候 时间我已经留了给你 但是你却拒绝好好利用我给你的时间 既然是这样 我就只好把给你的时间拱手让给别人了 这样的结局你应该还满意吧!不是你没得选择 而是我没有选择的权利 从你一个月没来找我那时候开始 我就一直在让你先做选择 选择和决定都在于你了 你怎么选我就怎么去安排我的时间 由始至终 我都没出过什么反对之言 虽然我嘴里不说 但事实上我的确希望你可以多陪我一点 这样一来 我的心没有那么不定 二来 我也不会失去原有的安全感 失去安全感的男人对我来说是大事 对我而言 最重的就是安全感 没有了安全感等于没有了感觉 那是个多么严重的结果
现在已经五月了 还有两个月你们就一年了 你们还会在一起吗? 其实我也不敢想 一切都由上天去决定吧!自然的结果也许就是最好的结果 不必要求 也不必强求 就算你们真的要在一起我也只能祝福你们 我只是想有一个很完美的结局 开心就好。。。单身对我来说也是值得开心的事情 所以不必担心了 该来的还是回来 是你的就是你的。。。
这几个星期 我的态度以及生活习惯的确有很大的改变 难道你一点都看不出来吗? 还是你纯粹当作看不到 要我自己招供 或是你仍然相信我是个怎么样的人而不会做出什么对不起你的事情
这个人真的对我很好 虽然这样说 因为我知道男生就是这样 要得到你的时候就真的会对你很好 但得到你后呢?就像垃圾堆一样把你这里塞一点那边塞一点 到处乱放 两者其实都很好 是因为我本身的关系吗? 让我觉得对别人好好象也是一种罪恶感 不但引人犯罪 也让自己犯罪了 真难。。。

Friday, April 2, 2010

原来一个不好的环境真的可以改变一个本来拥有良好性格的人

看见你的部落格 我的心忽隐隐作痛 那不是我认识的你 我开始觉得现在的你非常恐怖 你不再是我认识五年的朋友了 当初的你并不是这样的 你的改变实在太大了 虽然不是你的错 无论是间接或是直接都跟你现在的环境脱离不了关系 那是一个很现实的地方 从你说你要去那边续学 我就知道有这么一天。。。

你怪我没有通知你 但你却不知道其实我也是忙到前一天才知道 那时候的我根本就没去在意拿不拿成绩 所以没刻意去通知别人 就因为这样就被埋怨了 多么无奈。。。我很想请问:“你还是我当初认识的你吗?”

我知道你在这段感情上真的很煎熬 也因为这段感情性情突变 连三字经都出来了 你说你没变 只有你自己知道。。 你说感情一开始是简单的 久而久之就会复杂化 这我认同 感情的过程本来就是如此 也许你们也已经掌握不了你们的相处方式 我也不能说些什么 因为你们之间的事一定不容许第三者的参与 如今 你单身了 你却说你非常的开心 那是一种解脱吗? 如果是 那么当初我问你他是不是绑你绑得很紧 你却说没有 一直等到问题变得越来越严重的时候你才做个最坏的了断 你觉得这样好吗? 虽然我只是旁观者 但你应该知道旁观者的任务是什么。。。

四个月多的恋爱 说长不长 说短不短 时间一天一天的过 工作一天一天的忙 你没发觉到的事 我们见面的时间越来越少 接着下来可能连见面都可以免了 你忙你的工作 我忙我的功课 外人看见都会说这是一对没有感情的情侣 你的想法是什么 我真的是不懂 我不想猜疑 有时候我还是会选择不相信你 因为我担心你又会是想伤害我的人 对于我有这样的想法我真的感到非常抱歉 但为了保护我自己我不得不这么想 流眼泪是我的禁忌 谁让我流过眼泪的 我会非常恨他 原因是 一剑刺入我心 感觉难受到我根本不想做人 我是个心底感觉深厚的人 如果今天你说了一些让我感觉一阵刺痛的话 我眼泪一定飚出来 眼泪一旦飚出 你可以不需要再道歉了 一切都已经成定局了 那就是我心定的最后一个结局

最近少做运动 少看书 心情不怎么好 条理情绪的工夫也差了很多 情绪虽然没有大起大落 但却非常低调 没以前那么活跃了 也许让工作麻木太久会觉得自己blur blur ~~~ 其实这是一份没有目标的工作 只是每天一味去想什么还没做 根本就没有一个程序可以好好地跟着做 就因为这样 所以让最近的我非常善忘 不是忘记这个 就是忘记那个 我最讨厌自己做错事 因为会为别人带来麻烦 也让自己觉得内疚 虽然别人不会 但问题是我会。。 所以有时候我会恨我自己 当然是当我做错事的时候 虽然说 人谁无过 最重要知错能改 但我就是不喜欢 你又能要我怎么样 性格就是如此 不是因为不能改变 而是我喜欢这种永远都小心翼翼的性格。。。

Monday, March 1, 2010

心底的创伤,有谁能知,有谁能疗

3月1日的今天 原本应该是个不错的心情 因为是公司的周年纪念日 但却因为他那短短的一段话 心底突然感觉受伤 那句话 没有安慰 没有珍惜 甚至缺乏责任感 心很酸 只差在没哭出来 在外人眼里 我的确是很独立 有主见的人 那又怎么样 那就代表他做什么事都不需要顾虑我的感受吗? 先请问 我是女生耶 对女生是这样的吗? 你明明就知道 你这样做摆明是挖个洞让我踩下去 我面对家人的压力是多么的大你又知道吗? 我永远都不可以违背我自己的原则 是我想的吗? 那是因为我根本没得选择 所有的事情都只是命令 违背这一切只会让我生活得更痛苦 你有为我想过这些问题吗? 你每次只知道你想要做什么 但你没有想过我只能做什么 所有让你想过的事都好像是理所当然的一样。。。。