心情是有点不好, 才回到了这里

好久没联络, 但一开口就是我最不喜欢的话题, 那就,,, 还是算了吧, 你, 应该只是擦肩而过而已, 我和你, 只是人生中的一堂课, 没有新课题, 也没有应该回味的东西, 很多事, 藏在心里也许最好, 我不说, 你不懂, 并非是件坏事, 知道了也许更可怕, 还是保持这样就好, 得空喝茶, 聊聊天就好, 其实单身其实是不错的, 只是有偶尔的寂寞, 会累, 需要拥抱和安慰, 我爱让你哄, 但那已经是过去事, 我想让自己就像普通女生一样就好, 但是为什么我就是笨到这样呢? 万事都爱逞强, 输一次又不会怎么样, 就是不能装傻一下吗? 非得让男生都知难而退吗? 真实超级大白痴, 我就是那个别人口中的女强人, 我讨厌这个称呼, 人生, 有太多太多要我们去面对的事情, 我很想只是一个简单而且单纯的我就好了, 烦恼快快离我而去, 我累的, 是我自己选择的, 但其实, 对外人来说, 也许我真的有的选, 不必那么辛苦来工作, 但是, 那也可能是未来的导火线, 虽然我不知道会不会发生, 但是那并不是不可能的, 万一真的发生了, 我会后悔一辈子, , 那已经不是说一句 早知道 那么简单了 我仍然希望此事此刻的我是快乐的, 开始觉得头部有点儿麻痹, 是不是压力又来了, 是不是我太操劳了, 做什么, 我只想为了我自己, 不是为了讨好你让你开心, 我希望我真的可以做得到, 晚安了, 别想了, 这个学期的战才要开始, 不能那么快就投降, 那会前功尽弃,, 浪费了自己的青春和时间。加油

好久好久没让我回到这里了

也有一段时间了, 我忘记了好多好多的事情, 不知道该不该觉得是件好事, 不知不觉又是年中了, 多三个月又老一岁了, 学业与工作开始个忙个的, 单生的我看起来自由自在, 但有些时候也希望有人可以陪陪我解解闷, 跟家人的关系融洽了, 学业还是一般, 工作开始繁忙的要命, 没什么时间让我恋爱和花钱, 每天的生活充实, 早上上学, 下午打工到晚上才休息, 回到家也已经筋疲力尽了, 偶尔也只是和几个知心朋友聊聊天, 感情生活也是一般, 今年真的有所不同, 我曾经喜欢过的男生虽然对我展开追求, 但是我却莫名奇妙的拒绝了, 还真是猜不透呢, 但是刚刚在面子书上看到, 他好像有了新女朋友, 看了蛮欣慰的, 朋友之间嘛, 也希望你幸福的。 至于还有另一个瘦巴巴的呢, 天啊, 自大到无法就要, 一开始就让我不满意的人, 我又怎么可能会接受你呢, 在感情路上, 我看透了好多好多的事情, 让我很抗拒爱情, 虽然说, 失去的就当是自己的傻, 但是我总觉得那是一种恐惧, 接近男生或是被接近都让我感到恐慌, 对于对自己的责备, 我没有办法说服我自己说那是理所当然的, 我感到无比内疚, 即使拥有自己喜欢的人, 我也不觉得自己配得上拥有, , 工作忙也只是一种完好的介口, 我害怕拥有爱情, 我也不知道该怎么做才可以克制这种恐惧, 只有, 过一天, 算一天而已, 不知不觉, 八月了, 距离要出国念书的时间约是靠近, 就开始紧张了, 经济上, 我只能尽力, 我无法说什么, 就是见步行步, 大家的期望对我来说是一种压力, 功课的繁忙让我忘了照顾自己, 考试时间快到, 每天念书念书, 娱乐却没忘记, 安慰的入睡是我期望而且达到的, 极度安慰。 时间过得很快很快, 不久后, 我就要踏入社会了, 那只是一个短短的过程, 我将停止抱怨生活, 因为我还没完成半世纪, 有怎么可以那么快就放弃呢, 保持着短暂的幻想来增添生活的色彩其实还满不错的嘛, 明天又是繁忙的一天, 今天就到此咯, 希望下次我不会再忘记怎么回来这里。晚安

七上八下的心情 未来的路怎么走

我很奇怪, 有时候很悲伤难过, 有时候又像个开心得发疯式的孩子, 我只是一个学生, 也是工作人士, 但我不是专业人士, 我的心声, 不会有人感兴趣, 写日记对我来说只是发泄我目前的感受, 我不会难过很久, 不久后我会从新开始计划我未来的路, 重新规划, 毕业后, 要留在自己的国家还是出外国工作, 离乡背景会引起家人的反对, 这是可以被预测的, 我不知道我是不是有这样的勇气, 我还有什么选择来确保生活是美好的, 我有点点的累累, 生活上, 还可以相信谁? 一个愿意让你依靠的人, 怎么样确定他会永远的让我依靠, 今天我让自己放假一天, 平息我的心情, 因为我不能悲观下去, 我需要我自己的毅力, 家人,爸妈的未来需要我跟哥哥们来维持, 我不想我未来的家庭, 我希望未来更好, 我经历辛苦艰难的为自己打气, 我不会放弃自己, 我要未来发光发亮而不是永远躲在黑暗中受尽种种委屈, 外国的月亮是不是特别圆呢? 即使我毕业出来, 第一份工, 薪水可以让我承担多少费用, 付完之后, 还剩下多少来建立未来??? 我至少要存个十年八年才可以存到一间价值四百千的房屋, 当我那时候买的时候, 我买的还是廉价屋了, 坎坷的生活是路陆续续, 生活这样下去, 其实没有意义, 不是我贪心, 我只想问心无愧的的让自己生活好一点, 我不做坏事, 因为我的内心会责备我自己, 所以我所得到的都是靠自己双手赚回来的。 我的压力不是自己活该, 而是我仍然相信这世界没有白吃的午餐, 即使有贵人帮助你, 也不是一辈子的, 人总是要自立根生, 这也意味着为什么人会越来越老, 意义是一样的, 对自己的生活与未来付上责任是迟早的事, 问题是, 你什么时候才发觉要为自己和家人负责任, 发觉得越早, 虽然压力越大, 但不会坎坷很久, 但是发觉得太迟, 惨了, 你可以预测自己到底要坎坷多久, 路是自己选的, 无怨无悔, 别怪社会, 别怪别人, 自己的路自己决定吧。工作繁忙, 功课繁忙, 家务事也很繁忙, 家里需要整理, 生病的人需要照顾, 种种的任务将会在我毕业后派上用场, 我的时间有多少, 该怎么样去分配, 全部都要好好想想, 明天开始, 新的一天, 距离开始打拼的时间还有大概一年的时间, 十二个月里, 结果一定要出来, 不然就坎坷咯。。。希望时间跑慢一点点, 让我跟你平起平坐。。加油加油

有一种依赖叫做伤害

我不断的依赖一种不停的声音回旋在脑海里, 我总是像个长不大的孩子不断的依偎在我想依赖的人, 但是, 长得越大, 我就清楚看到复杂的生活不是每天都可以称心如意, 我虽然只是把你当朋友, 但是有一些习惯, 真的是一种莫名的习惯, 就像我一天不找你, 我就有种奇怪的感觉, 我还小, 不懂得分辨好人与坏人, 我很笨, 因为我经常容易相信人, 我单纯, 但只有面对你的时候, 我向让自己笨一下, 单纯一点, , 生活不知道是不是会好一点。。要找到一个谈心的朋友真的真的好难好难。。还难过登天呢。。

太复杂的心情让我失眠了

如果这个世界没有感情多么好呢。。失眠的声音对我来说来说太熟悉, 一个人擦泪, 一个人好累。。真的好累, 感情如果有一个休息站, 我可不可以就永远停留在那里哪里都不去, 矛盾的我到现在还是那么的矛盾, 不想你来理我, 但却神经质的有时候的想起你, 我到底怎么了, 如果你不理我, 会不会我就可以睡得好一点, 音乐读懂了我的心情, 逃不出音乐的旋律, 默默的忍受那莫名的情绪, 只有自己知道就好, 伤我最深的人为什么却是我最爱的人, 我一直以来都很清楚知道, 那只是我放不开已习惯了的想念, 我只是习惯了, 习惯了, 真的习惯了, 有谁可以帮我从这个习惯里救出来, 我真的很累, 面对众人的眼光我总是强者, 哭泣总是只能躲在黑暗中。。我可不可以就大声的哭泣, 不理会所有人的眼光, 我并不知道我的眼泪代表者什么, 但是眼泪总是好像流不完的水, 怎样的雨才能让我清醒过来, 我还需要流多久的泪才能走出黑暗的世界。。黑暗的眼泪, 黑黑的我对着光亮的荧幕, 可却照亮不了我的心, 把心收在心底最深的地方, 不让任何人发觉, 隐藏着悲伤的我, 重伤始终会恢复, 请你快快恢复吧。。别让我自己折磨自己了

Unstoptable tears coming out unintentionally

Again... This sad and hurt feeling come again to me... Listening music now... But i cant even stop my mind to think on the person who hurt me in such a deep way... I know i am so stupid to think on this person.. But what can i do except working and study fulfill my time... i just want myself to feel busy like hell... Only then i can stop myself thinking on you... Even though now you are not around... But i am so dangerous to thinking of u sometimes... When pplsuddently remind my memory... I will die with hard... I need to endure my deep feeling in front of other and forcemyself smile like an stupid person... I am also dun wan ppl to worry me... But pls tell me wat can i do for this. . I hope i really can think on how to forget u in my life... I noe is not easy... But somehow i wanna try no matter how hard... I want life going on wothout influences by u... Bt... Tell me... How should i do on it... I just release it by my tears and nothing else can do on it... Sometimes i did ask myself... What am i cry for? I noe is worthless... But. ... Not that i cant let go... Wat i can say is... Walk the talk is hard for me in terms of this... I did try b4... Am i successful... I really dunno... It is not everything i can verbally disclose to others... I really cannot endure my tears rolling in my eyes when talking to other... I dun ean to cry infront of ppl... Is it too hard for me to do sa... Not that i dun wan to say... I hv no confident at all.... Crying day again... Hope can slp well after cry... Good night

不知不觉。。又是三月了

最近到底都在忙些什么? 精神感觉上越来越差。。工作, 学业, 交友圈子都给我一种怪怪的感觉。。懒惰开电脑的我就是喜欢在这里胡言乱语。。哈哈。。 See... again... midnight already when the time i try to update my blog... is it too late for me to stay a bit late to finished this blog to follow up my everyday's mood to be recall in the future~~ It's Ok.. give myself a target to update this blog until the end of my song.... this is just the 1st beautiful song in my album... let it continue without stopping... haha Today as usual... morning... went to coursemate house to do assignment since 930am until 10pm... is really tired like hell and got to continue my work in house merely because the presentation slide have not been finished. Yesterday was the 1st exercise with yi wen, Thai, and kt ... it's such a fun activity even though i really tired yet enjoy.. It's March coming... which means my exam is getting near... my trip also getting near liao... hahaha... can fully enjoy after my exam.. Paul relationship is over... the hurt thing in today morning was the talked from my father... he think that i am playing with relationship... he dunno everything and straight 判我死刑..damn hurt and sad until i can even drop my tears out while driving... forsure... i still aware of the road... just that... i can't imagine that... end of the story... is still my fault, i felt somehow so tired to explain to them as they totally dunno my feeling... Sometimes i really wondering why my fren will even more care and understand my feeling... really confuse myself..and suddenly emo again... make my mind blank until afternoon came back from home tuition. Sometimes just simply expect family member can just care me silently... because i m crazy handle work and study... have no time to entertain trouble create from family... really ... i will surrender one day... pls forgive me.. Recently feel is quite weird until i cant even explain by myself what am i thinking of.... but the only thing i can say is... stay single is the best for me now.. no matter how hard... Janice! pls stay strong... i know i can do it.. confident is all from urself.. no one can help u except encouraging u unstopped.. Still got 3 more song to go... let's continue the blog as well... Semester 2 is going to end... which means semester 3 is going to start... soon... going to graduate... uk life... dunno how...a question for myself is... am i able to handle the work for next semester? i asked myself everyday b4 slp... haiz... still thinking Look at the moon on my left hand site, is clear in light but blur in my eyes... maybe is time for me to slp... but is not easy to get back this blogspot account ... therefore, i think i should fully utilised my time and energy to appreciate those who really put effort to help me to get back my memory. Thank you to my bro ^^ Anyway, this article is going to longer than my report today... no matter how... i hope life can stay happy for myself also those who around me.. Rick yong is learning from me in explore our potential as i told him.. we are not that limited and weak in terms of energy... why are we just get used to the lazy environment yet actually we can do better and even more than we suppose to do... life is just short... we cant wait for chance but seek for chance... chances are always reserve for those who are ready... whether u believe o not... it's highly up to u...okok... is time to slp liao... Regard